OK, I'm legal.
My license from the state came and I can now foster/adopt a child. I thought the day I received this call would also be the day they placed a child with me. Well that was three weeks ago now. I try to move on with life and day to day activities knowing I am much closer than I have been, but in the back of my mind the waiting just keeps breaking into my peace. All the decisions I need to make now are based on my having a child in my home or not. Let alone will this child become my child.
A friend from church and also licensed through the same agency as I received the call that the hearing for the little girl she has had since birth (now 1) was to occur. They went to court and FINALLY that baby girl is their daughter. So I know it can work. I just feel like the time seems to expand beyond what I think I can bear. One day I too will look back at theses days when people constantly ask me "have you heard anything?" (They should know they could not keep me quiet if I had) and say that seems like nothing compared to parenting.
But for today I throw my hands up and say "show me the baby!"
Friday, April 18, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Excuse Me Did The Phone Ring?
The Foster/Adopt program works differently than a typical adoption in that you don't really know what age or sex your child might be. You don't truly know if you will adopt this child or the next one you bring home and so there are a lot more questions running around in your head. "How should I decorate the room?", "Do I need a crib or a bed?", "Do I let my friends throw me a baby shower or not?".
Since I work for an agency that does therapeutic foster care I also have co-workers who keep me abreast of potential children in the system. The other day one such co-worker called me in to her office and let me know that DSS had a sudden influx of newborns, I mean straight from the hospital newborns, and some of them have their parental rights terminated already. This is the ideal situation for a person who is wanting to skip the foster part and get straight to being that baby's real mom.
It caused me to ponder if my answering service was working properly although I knew it was working fine. I kept thinking surely I have missed a call. I could feel that twinge in my heart and decided to call just in case my coordinator was not aware of this news. I have been really good and have not called knowing she expressed that fact that she would call me as soon as she had my information back. So anyway I called and tried not to sound frantic. She said "Jacqui, there will always be babies. That is the nature of our work." and I did feel a bit peaceful at that point knowing the child that is for me will be there no matter what I do, but those old feelings come back and you are right there again feeling like you have missed an opportunity.
In spite of all that I am telling you I do feel positive. Good friends and my spiritual life help me stay on the path of sanity despite all the rollercoaster rides I get on.
Since I work for an agency that does therapeutic foster care I also have co-workers who keep me abreast of potential children in the system. The other day one such co-worker called me in to her office and let me know that DSS had a sudden influx of newborns, I mean straight from the hospital newborns, and some of them have their parental rights terminated already. This is the ideal situation for a person who is wanting to skip the foster part and get straight to being that baby's real mom.
It caused me to ponder if my answering service was working properly although I knew it was working fine. I kept thinking surely I have missed a call. I could feel that twinge in my heart and decided to call just in case my coordinator was not aware of this news. I have been really good and have not called knowing she expressed that fact that she would call me as soon as she had my information back. So anyway I called and tried not to sound frantic. She said "Jacqui, there will always be babies. That is the nature of our work." and I did feel a bit peaceful at that point knowing the child that is for me will be there no matter what I do, but those old feelings come back and you are right there again feeling like you have missed an opportunity.
In spite of all that I am telling you I do feel positive. Good friends and my spiritual life help me stay on the path of sanity despite all the rollercoaster rides I get on.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Waiting
So finally I have signed the last of the paperwork and I've even purchased a few items. Finally I'm letting the thought of adoption sink into my heart. I find I'm excited, nervous and waiting. I suspect very much like a mother who will birth her own child feels while she is waiting. I like what I once heard that waiting is more than just waiting it is a time of expecting. My little one should be joining our family sometime in January. I'm so excited to be expecting, to allow myself the space to believe I too will join the ranks of gentle warriors called "Mothers".
Waiting has had its challenges and so I have chosen to surround myself with the people who will walk alongside me and help carry the load. The friendships that I have come to depend on are so much more right now.
But most importantly during this time I want to enjoy every moment that will lead to the point of holding that little one in my arms so in some sense the waiting has become a joy for me. The chance to dream and imagine the life that is before us and every little turn I would like to see it take, a new adventure is about to begin.
Waiting has had its challenges and so I have chosen to surround myself with the people who will walk alongside me and help carry the load. The friendships that I have come to depend on are so much more right now.
But most importantly during this time I want to enjoy every moment that will lead to the point of holding that little one in my arms so in some sense the waiting has become a joy for me. The chance to dream and imagine the life that is before us and every little turn I would like to see it take, a new adventure is about to begin.
Friday, October 5, 2007
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